Photo by Anastassia Anufrieva on Unsplash

A Pearl of great price

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.” —Matthew 13:45–46

My readers have learned by now that I’m not a dog owner. My friends and family have tried over the years to convince me of all that I am missing. So far, I remain staunchly unconvinced. I know very few people who pursue and value quiet and stillness as much as I do. I’ve been that way my whole life, so I don’t think it will change. I’m sitting on my patio right now, enjoying the serenity of these moments to write. I don’t need a dog’s head on my feet or a dog’s bark in my ears. I’m enjoying the solitude.

There have been a few dogs over the years, like a white lab named Pearl, that I have imagined I could enjoy. Jim and I see Pearl and her owner quite often while we are out walking on the trail. Pearl’s favorite moment of the week is when her owner takes her to the pond, and she is free to jump in the water and chase her toy. Other days, she just walks next to the pond with wishful eyes.

It struck me today that all of us could learn a lot from Pearl’s God-given instincts. Jesus told a parable often titled “Parable of the Pearl of Great Price.“ The lesson of that parable teaches that a wise person is the one who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it”
(Matthew 13:46).

Watching Pearl is like watching a lesson in growing old gracefully with God’s wisdom. God has given animals instincts that those of us created with the ability to choose could learn from. Pearl no longer chases everything she used to chase. She has learned to ignore most squirrels; she waits at the street corners; and she rarely tugs on her master’s arm. Pearl has defined her “pearl of great price” as life at the feet of her master.

We can ignore the squirrels, too

Ecclesiastes 1:14 is pure wisdom. Solomon said, “I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind.” Solomon had it all according to the world’s values. He is thought by many to have been the wealthiest man ever to have lived. (Although Elon Musk seems to be pursuing that title now!) As an older, wiser man, Solomon understood that chasing the temporary stuff of this world was like chasing the wind, or a squirrel.

Pearl used to love chasing squirrels, and when she was young, she actually caught one or two. Her youthful instincts used to tell her to chase every squirrel she saw. Now, she is older and wiser and understands she doesn’t really want the squirrel anyway.

What were the things you used to chase in your younger years? One of the great lessons for growing older is the realization that the squirrels in our lives have become less enticing. The temporary, earthly stuff we used to chase tends to lose its appeal. What are the possessions, titles, priorities, awards, and even relationships that just seem to be chasing the wind?

God wants us to lay the squirrels in life at his feet. We will be much more peaceful and content with our lives when we are finished with those chases.

Stop at the streets

There is one corner where the trail crosses the road, which is often the spot we run across Pearl and her owner. We usually enjoy a brief conversation and later walk away grateful that God allowed us to become friends. Pearl would rather be continuing her walk, but she quietly sits and waits for her master to finish the conversation.

I’ve never seen Pearl tug on the leash or try to cross the street without her owner. She has been kept safe; she has been well loved and well fed. Pearl wants to be at her owner’s feet because that is where she is most content. The psalmist wrote, “Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long” (Psalm 25:4–5).

I love to picture God holding a retractable leash (a leash with a button that controls the length of the leash). God can give us more room to wander and explore, but when we are not safe, he can push the button that gives us less leash and draw us back to be closer to him. God’s ways are perfect, and when he wants to talk, he will bring us near him. The only mistake we can make is to pull or tug on that leash because we want a different direction. God is strong, but his leash allows for our free wills as well. If we keep trying to run into the street, one day we might end up there. The psalmist told God, “For you I wait all the day long.” Are we willing to do the same?

When God wants to talk, we should be quietly patient until he finishes the conversation. It helps to remember that we can be content, safe, and loved at his feet. The stop signs of life are simply to protect us from the rush of this world.

When do you chase and tug on the leash? When are you quietly content?

God’s perfection is not ours yet. Pearl’s owner still uses a leash most of the time. She knows that Pearl is a wonderful dog, but she also knows she is still a dog. And now, you probably know what I’m about to say. Yep, we are all still dogs on this side of heaven. Our instincts have not been completely perfected yet, and this world will never be a perfect place. On the other hand, if we have lived our lives with God’s teaching, God’s love, and God’s direction, we have learned a LOT during our walks.

Pearl is a great dog, but we pass a lot of dogs on the trail who aren’t! I saw one young woman who practically fell into the street trying to hang on to her pet! We pass other dogs each day who still, three years later, bark at us like we are their enemy. There are also three Dobermans who are allowed to run freely in an area next to the path. Those dogs used to make me nervous because they are fast and chase everything they see. Yet, when the master calls, they come instantly to sit obediently at his feet. I’ve learned a lot watching them as well.

I’m a huge fan of Pearl. I didn’t know her as a puppy, but she has grown into a beautiful, peace-filled Labrador who is loved by her owner and knows how to love in return. I enjoy watching those Dobermans, but I want to be more like Pearl.

God has provided us with many lessons to learn throughout our lives. Pearl has taught me a lot about sitting quietly at the feet of the One who loves me most. I want to praise God for the leash he provides for my safety until I reach heaven. We know there are a LOT of squirrels here on earth! 

I like to imagine what it will be like to run free in heaven, joyfully chasing the perfection around us. I like to imagine the voice of God calling me to sit at his feet. Until those eternal moments, I will work to wait patiently at the feet of God, submitted to the leash of his guidance. 

I still don’t want to own a dog, but I realize that I have a lot to learn from the dogs around me. I want to remember there is a “Pearl” of great price to value and obtain! 

Lord, help us to submit to your leash and enjoy the fact that at the end of our walk, it is you who will bring us safely home.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

What else should we “render” to God?

Most of us are probably feeling a bit poorer this week. When Jesus taught us to “render unto Caesar” (Matthew 22:21) what we owe, our annual taxes became both a financial and spiritual responsibility. Rendering seems to get more complicated and costly every year. It is a good feeling to put a stamp on those envelopes and just mail them off!

According to Strong’s dictionary, the biblical definition for the word render is “to give away, give up, or give back.” I couldn’t help but think how much easier it is to give back than to give up. It was difficult for the Jewish people to give up their earnings to Rome because they didn’t agree with the way Rome used their money. It’s easier to give to those things we believe in and trust.

That’s why Jesus’ words were so powerfully important to the early church and remain equally important today. Our taxes are owed, whether we like what the money is used for or not. We have to give up some money that doesn’t feel like gratefully “giving back” for something we owe.

Why did Jesus tell Christians to “render to Caesar?”

Caesar Augustus was the Roman ruler at the time of Jesus’ birth, but he wasn’t the Caesar during his earthly ministry. Roman history regards Caesar Augustus as the most important and successful ruler, even though he worshiped multiple gods and allowed himself to be honored as a god. 

The Caesar who Jesus told his followers to pay taxes to was Tiberius, the stepson of Caesar Augustus. Tiberius was a reluctant leader and while successful, he never achieved the acceptance and acclaim of his stepfather. 

The Roman leaders crucified people for crimes, worshiped their gods in vile and detestable ways, and randomly enslaved and taxed people as they willed. There was good reason for the Jewish nation to be angry and distressed about financially supporting ungodly people and their policies. Yet, Jesus clarified their emotions with his truth.

Jesus didn’t ask people to give to Caesar what he deserved; he asked the people to give what they owed because doing so would be their best service to God. That statement may be of great help to Christians in our American culture going forward.

What else should we render to God?

My husband and I were talking about the coming months, especially with the social and political divisions in today’s culture. We talked about something we need to remember personally, and wish we could stress to God’s people today.

As Christians, we will need to be careful that politics don’t become our “religion” this year. There are Christians on both sides and equal opportunity to sin on whatever side we choose. So much of the political rhetoric these days is caustic, slanderous, one-sided, and sometimes just downright untrue. It’s so important we do our best to make our faith a higher priority than our political positions. 

Jesus would teach us to carefully “render unto Caesar” our vote for the people and policies our faith should support. At the same time, Jesus would teach us to render our words, our attitudes, and our witness to honor God. We are called to serve his kingdom purpose through the leadership of God’s Holy Spirit.

And I admit this is a tough thing to do! People who know me know I have definite opinions, and I’m not afraid to offer those opinions to others. I’ve often said the same mouth that teaches Bible is the same mouth that speaks sinful things too. It’s always been a problem for God’s children. James told the first-century Christians, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world” (James 1:26–27).

As I typed those verses from James, I thought, “Is there anyone whose politics are unstained from the world”? I can’t think of one, can you?

We can’t allow our politics to become a religion. We owe it to our country to “render unto Caesar,” but we owe God everything.

Jesus paid it all. All to him I owe.

I believe and can sing (off-key) every word to the hymn, Jesus Paid it All. I wish I lived more often like I believe those words I sing. Sometimes this world makes it difficult to “walk the talk.” I expect that this year will be one of the most difficult to navigate. 

We owe our vote to the country but we owe everything to God. If we will remember what Jesus paid for our sins, we will be less likely to commit them. That’s especially important for those of us who do a lot of “walking and talking” for the Lord. 

Again, our politics cannot become a religion, especially this year. God’s children serve a higher purpose, with a higher calling. I wonder how Washington D.C. would change if God’s elected children put their faith ahead of their candidacy.

What else do you need to render to God?

We have “rendered” our taxes and now, on to the higher priorities of God! We have a kingdom purpose this year as the subject of politics heats up. What do you need to render to God so that you can walk away after all those conversations knowing you honored and served your Lord?

Thankfully, all of us have his grace for our imperfections. This is going to be a messy year, and we might as well accept that reality. I just wanted to write a blog post that planted a few seeds ahead of time. What if we all worked on a commitment to God for this upcoming political season? Our words can speak to our shared faith more than they speak to our differing opinions.

I know I’ve got some more “rendering” to do. I just thought the taxes were tough this year! I needed to write this blog post to myself before I could give it to all of you. I’m praying that all of us will take our souls to God and walk away from his throne having left several of our opinions, attitudes, and unspoken words at his feet! 

Let’s keep ourselves “unstained by the world,” and we will be kept securely blessed by things eternal.

 

Photo by Denny Müller on Unsplash

Covert Narcissism: Sometimes healing a relationship is one-sided

A word from Janet:

As we sat enjoying our tea, I knew I wanted Linda to write a blog post for me. I rarely have others write, but she said something that resonated with me and that I believed would resonate with all of you.

She spoke about an issue some people have that the church is often ill-equipped to help with. Sometimes the usual answers don’t provide a solution. 

Linda had done women’s ministry for many years, with excellence. During that time, she encountered many women who had been through, or were going through, problems in their marriage. When Linda spoke about her own marriage, I knew it was a story others needed to hear. 

Every marriage has challenges, and often the church’s response is to counsel the couple to “draw closer to God and that will draw them closer to one another.” Sermons, Bible studies, and books are delivered with a message for “the middle” of the congregation. Often, those on the edges are left feeling disconnected or misunderstood. While great sermons and lessons contain powerful biblical truth, often those words of truth cannot provide a solution. Why?

All people are created by God with free will. None of us has the power to control or limit the free will choices of another. Some people are born or raised with issues and disorders that mean average solutions are ineffective. In other words, sometimes healing a relationship just isn’t possible. Spiritual healing is a choice each person must make for himself or herself, but not a choice that can be made for another. Sometimes our choices cannot heal a relationship because the other person’s issues or choices won’t allow for healing.

I’m reminded of Paul’s words to the Galatians: “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’” (Galatians 5:13–14).

I learned a lot from Linda about a topic I was not familiar with. The more I read, the more I began to understand the need for Christians to be aware of those people the church might tend to condemn rather than counsel or comfort.

Linda has come through a personal storm that God is now redeeming for a greater good. I wanted to share her article and her website so that it could be a help to all of you—possibly for one of your own relationships or maybe to share with someone you know.

___________________________

Now I Get It! Married to a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

by L.L.

“Mom, what you have done is crazy-stupid-brave, and the greatest gift you could have given me.”

Those were the first words of my son’s email. 

They affirmed the steps I had taken to identify the confusing marital fog that engulfed me so long—enough years for my children to now have families of their own.

I had believed the empty nest would ease our relationship stressors. Later, the anticipation of the joy of grandchildren fueled my optimism. The expectations of new freedoms in retirement offered the last remnant of hope. Instead, retirement revealed an increased intensity of emotional abandonment.

The journey to clarity

The bewilderment that washed over me when my last hope vanished shattered the dream I had nurtured since childhood—a spiritually mature and joyful marriage. Where had I failed? We had all the outward trappings but lacked the soul of a mutually loving relationship. Marriage conferences, books, prayer, Bible studies, support groups, and personal counseling failed to uncover one mysterious underlying dynamic.

After a particularly confusing conversation with my husband, I retreated to sort swirling emotions birthed from a confused and wounded heart. 

Access to counseling during that time provided emotional support, but nothing truly explained my quandary until one webcast provided a checklist for a disorder called Covert Narcissism. I listened to it over and over while checking off each indicator. Finally, I was able to say, “Now I get it.” 

A combination of both despair and relief set me on a convoluted journey of grief, loss, healing, lament, and personal spiritual growth. 

I learned that narcissistic characteristics cluster on a spectrum. Everyone has some qualities of self-centeredness. We need enough for self-care. As individuals move up the spectrum with increasing displays of self-focus, relationships grow more challenging. Those at the far end of the spectrum lack empathy as well as the ability to self-reflect. They also relate to others through a wide variety of distorted thinking patterns. 

My husband came to counseling enough times for the counselor to determine the diagnosis of Covert Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

My effort to identify this missing piece of information was what had prompted my son’s email. He, too, now had an explanation for his own emotional wounds. 

Examples in Scripture

Seeing this same disorder in Scripture has added a new sense of awareness to my Bible study. 

Jesus described false teachers as those who come in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves (Matthew 7:15). Some believe Judas, who betrayed Jesus with a kiss, displayed characteristics of a covert narcissist (Matthew 26:14–16). 

In the book of Esther, King Xerxes’ actions offer examples of Grandiose Narcissism (Ester 1:1–12), while Haman (Ester 3–8) demonstrated Covert Narcissism traits. 

King Herod’s jealousy and grandiosity (Matthew 2:16) finally had an explanation. 

Jesus pointed out the Pharisees’ outward righteousness but inward darkness when He called them white-washed tombs (Matthew 23:27–28). 

The power of truth

Jesus spoke of an essential element to the Jews who believed in Him. “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:31–32). As I examined truth, I learned it extended beyond knowledge of Christ’s atoning death and gift of salvation. The word for truth in this passage expands the meaning to “what is true in any matter under consideration” (Thayer’s Greek Lexicon).

Willingness to see truth

I am discovering that the Lord reveals truth to me in proportion to my willingness to see it. Seeking truth has propelled me into God’s grace of healing.

My defense mechanisms of rationalization, denial, and false belief that I could love enough to fix things needed to be released. I had to radically accept that narcissism was something I could not resolve. 

That radical acceptance required giving up my hope—perhaps one of the most painful steps of faith I had to take. Giving up hope felt like I was abandoning a foundational element of my faith. My hope, though, had been misplaced. My hope now rests on WHO Christ is rather than expectations of WHAT He can do.

God’s faithfulness in all things

I know now that my heavenly Father’s heart had always ached with me as I hid my tears and attempted to ignore my deep emotional woundings. He had seen my struggles to honor Him in my marriage. 

God had also waited ever so patiently for me to stop my human striving and to reach out to Him in surrender. When I acknowledged my pride and asked for His guidance and perfect will to be accomplished in my life, I felt something shift in my heart. It was the stabilizing calm that truth brings.

My heavenly Father has been faithful in each step of faith in truth-seeking and healing. I face each day with fresh hope in the future my heavenly Father has for me as His beloved daughter.

Best of all, I get to watch God do the very same for each truth-seeking woman who brings her brokenness to Him.

Now I Get It is available at Amazon.com/ebooks or in print at Amazon.com. Note: Now I Get It is written under the pen name of Alice Neyland. Follow “Now I Get It” on Instagram, Facebook, and at https://www.makingsenseofmylife.com/.

Out of the desert and into God’s purpose

A note from Janet: One of my great blessings in 2020 was the addition of Trace Kennedy to our ministry team. Trace is the Brand Manager for the JanetDenison.org brand and has been an invaluable asset as we expand the outreach of our ministry. Trace will be guest writing for my blog for a couple of weeks while I am away. I know you will enjoy her thoughts. Thank you, Trace, for everything you do!

The evidence of spring is everywhere in central Texas, with a heavy emphasis on green and yellow. (As a Baylor parent, I like to think it’s a shoutout from God to the Baylor Bears’ basketball championship title.) 

I have to admit, I’m embracing this spring with a deeper gratitude than in years past. The weeklong winter storm of Texas was enough to make me beg not just for warmer temps, but hot temps! 

Soon enough, the mild temperatures of spring we’re enjoying will be replaced with the blazing heat of summer. Streets and sidewalks will appear wavy, the new, fresh foliage of spring will be limp and tired, and regular walkers will resemble their panting dogs. The once welcoming enthusiasm of summer will be replaced with the longing for more refreshing, fall-like temperatures. 

Inevitably, seasons outlast their welcome, and most of us are always ready for the refreshing or relief that comes with the season that follows. 

AN EMPTY NEST LED TO EMPTINESS 

Spiritual seasons are similar. 

In recent months, I have come through a summer, or “desert,” season in my faith walk. A few years ago, when God led me into it, I reveled in the “sweat” that was involved, knowing that the Holy Spirit was moving in me, changing my direction, and shifting my purpose. 

When my last child went off to college, and I became an empty nester, I suddenly found myself with a whole lot of time and not a whole lot to do from a meaningful standpoint. At first, I embraced it, excited to see what God was going to do with me. But then, the waiting and wondering led to wandering. 

It’s easy to get discouraged when it seems like God isn’t answering, doesn’t it? 

Where in your life do you feel like God may be stonewalling you? Maybe it’s in situations, circumstances, or relationships you have prayed about, yet it seems as if God isn’t answering, or really even listening. 

We’ve all had seasons that start out full of promise and new beginnings, only to stagnate and foster discouragement, impatience, and restlessness. 

JESUS NEEDED GOD’S RESTORATION, AND SO DO WE 

I’ve been studying Luke 4:1–13 extensively for the past several weeks, researching the temptations of Jesus for a work project. My initial thought was how easily Jesus fended off Satan’s attacks. Reading just those verses, resisting the devil genuinely seems like a walk in the park for Jesus despite his physical hunger from forty days without food or water, his emotional fragility due to desolation and isolation, and his spiritual battle to glorify God by remaining in his perfect will. 

But Matthew’s gospel reveals something crucial to Jesus’s desert experience that Luke doesn’t mention. Matthew 4:11 says, “Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.” Here, Scripture points out clearly that resisting the Enemy wasn’t easy for Jesus; in fact, it was so difficult he needed divine help to recover and be restored. God allowed the hard time in the desert to show us that Jesus was strong enough to withstand what the Enemy threw his way, but Jesus didn’t do it without being depleted. Before Jesus left the desert and returned to Galilee to begin his Spirit-powered ministry (Luke 4:14), God had to refuel and refresh him. 

Isn’t that a beautiful picture of God’s tender love for us? 

He wants us to know that when we walk through the desert seasons of life, experiencing scorching days where we become like wilted plants oppressed by the heat, we are going to need a divine refreshing—not relief the way the world relieves, which is temporary and unsubstantial, but Spirit-powered sustenance that strengthens and endures and readies you for what he is calling you to do. 

THE DESERT JOURNEY 

For over two years, God allowed me to walk, sometimes stumble, and oftentimes crawl through a desert season. Frequently, I took matters into my own hands, believing that my way was a more comfortable and convenient way to where I thought he wanted me to go, only to end up deeper in the desert and even more desperate for relief. 

Isn’t that just like human nature? We seek out our versions of a mirage, hoping it’s the oasis we are looking for. We pursue short-term solutions, make impulsive decisions, or seek worldly comforts thinking they will give us long-term relief and direction.

But, in reality, worldly resolutions fade quickly and can often leave us feeling unworthy, hopeless, restless, and frustrated. In desert seasons, it’s so easy to relate to Paul in Romans 7:15: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” When we are exhausted, thirsty for something satisfying, and hungry for genuine spiritual food, why do we tend to seek our own solutions instead of God’s? 

Much like the Israelites who wandered around and around in the desert, I felt like God had me in this holding pattern with no clear exit plan. After sharing this thought with a wise friend, she told me that I was perfectly positioned to receive God’s replenishment and ultimately his plan—not the world’s. In that moment, I realized I was doing the exact opposite of what Jesus had done in his desert time: focusing on the Father, trusting in the strength of his word, and relying on him to meet all of his needs. 

EXCHANGING MY WILL FOR HIS 

When I stepped into faith, humbly surrendered my will to his, and began walking obediently behind him, the Lord restored my soul. 

My former pastor has often said that the most miserable people he knows are believers living outside the will of God. Is it because we choose to settle in the desert, preferring temporary relief through worldly comforts? Relief and departure from the heat only came when I chose the restoration that only Jesus can supply. 

When we position ourselves to receive all God wants to give us, God is able to bless our lives and use us for his divine purpose and plan. My former Sunday school teacher and longtime Bible study teacher has continually instilled that truth in me over the last fifteen-plus years. And over and over, I have seen this truth played out in my life. 

Never would I have imagined that one day she would be my boss and that I would be working for a ministry that has been instrumental in my spiritual training and maturity. 

OUT OF THE DESERT, READY TO SERVE 

This last year of COVID has been a long and trying season. 

Many of us are probably weary from battling the extreme ups and downs, and we are parched for fellowship and hungry for anywhere but home! This year may have left you feeling anxious, lonely, depressed, or worried. Maybe you ate too much, drank too much, watched too much TV, or spent hours wandering on social media. In the moment, those solutions probably offered some level of comfort and relief, but they ultimately just created more dissatisfaction and a thirst for something more enduring. 

I pray that as you make plans to embark and enjoy this much anticipated season without all the restrictions COVID created, you will first allow God to tend to those places of your heart in need of refreshing. “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). 

Jesus walked out of his desert time, restored and replenished by his Father, and entered into his calling that changed the world. Because of his high calling, we as believers now have the very same power that God gave him indwelling us. 

When we surrender to his divine plan and choose to follow him in humble obedience, he truly is “able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen” (Ephesians 3:20–21).